Withhold Thyself… or Where Are The Breaks on the Bi Polar Express Vol. 11

My mind inhales it’s alternative rhythms

To an irregular tick, tick, tocking tempo,

With redefined and refocused intensities –

Of all I believe to be true – and so do.

 

What is conceived in non-linear thought

Are expressions of a particular peculiarity,

Misinterpreted and deemed dysfunctional –

Remedied with simple evidence in contradiction.

 

I am more than my malfunction

Merely a temporary anomaly of perceptions,

And the assimilation of unexpected conceptuals –

Unfamiliar to you, but true, none the less.

 

Unstitch your misconceptions of this reality

Transcending your understanding with new data,

I do not claim the font of enlightenment –

And I am no more the defect you perceive.

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I remember the lightening

I ride the lightening once again –

Familiar as the stroke

Of an on again/off again lover.

My heart engorged

To be caressed just, so –

Electricity squeezing

Through too-small veins.

I remember that I am wild…

 

My secret places are exposed,

Baring the face that sleeps

Beneath the thinnest of veneers –

A mirror reflecting opposites.

Now woke by wildfire

Screaming through my flesh,

My breath comes in

Sharp-hot-gasps.

I remember that I am powerful…

 

Satisfaction is only an illusion.

My mind boils and

Evaporates into the breeze

Like unfaithful platitudes.

My heart shall not implode,

Nor my body tremble,

For I have harnessed

This – my lightening.

I remember that I am free.

The World Within The World

The Ascension to Glory

Part One: The World Within the World.

Introduction.

The first thing that you must know, is that in the beginning was Hearthstone.

This is the world which you can sample with your senses – taste upon your tongue and feel the brush of it against your skin in hard, little goosebumps. This is the world that can be beheld with eyes and scent and sound.

It is in Hearthstone that the Five Laws are immutable and cannot be transgressed without great consequence – both to manipulator, and to the First of worlds.

But there is another world that rests within the Hearthstone – like unto the fire that roars bright and hot within the hearth of a home – giving of its light and warmth to all who seek shelter in its embrace.

This world only few can glimpse, and that imperfectly, without help.

Perhaps it is glimplsed in a wonderous dream, aloft the wings of psychedelic inspiration. Perhaps it is in that place you call déjà vu, where for a short moment you have crossed over into this place that is other.

Less often, blessedly, it comes in a nightmare of twisted shadows and terrible, gnawing, fearfulness – fearfulness that wakes you with a sleep-silenced scream, and a tremor in your heart and hands.

That was a beginning of signs, but I shall not speak of the War of the Seven here, not yet.

To know this other world of which I speak, requires other senses than those of Hearthstone – for the rules of this other world do not function in relation to, nor limitations of, that empirical reality that is the realm of the Five Laws.

To know this other world, you must first believe in it. A curious paradox, I know.

It has had as many names as there have been voyeurs, but I have always known it as the World Within the World, the Second of the Seven-Fold realities, as Hearthstone is the First.

It is said that hard is the road, and narrow is the way that leads to the World Within the World. But it was always my belief that there are many roads to this place, this place that calls many to know its ways. One thing I will agree on, is that none make the journey unscathed, and few enter in undamaged enough to do more than dream it. For many are called, but few are chosen.

A final warning. When you step into the World Within, the World Within steps in to you – there is no unknowing what has been done. No unknowing, save in the losing of your very mind to the forgetfulness of confusion and darkness…

You have been suitably warned of the consequences, even as you have been chosen, believer.

 

This is one such believer’s testament.

 

  • Excerpt from the volume The Ascension to Glory.

Finally

I rage with what I keep inside

Rage at what I must deny

Seething just below the line

Screaming out to give it life!

Suffocating with the need

Of desperation just to feel

For my own world will not believe

Unless I strip my sleeves and bleed…

Not much more can I forego

Not much more till I let go

The beast is baying for my blood

And I have more than had enough…

So I with bleeding fingers cling

Upon the edge of everything

I will not let go willingly

But even falling – I’ll be free.

Finally.

 

Words In My Head

I’ll take this edge upon my flesh, and press against the pain –

And I shall spill the wine, reminding me to breathe again…

My body bears the marks of every time I could not cry,

In faded knotted lines are written all the words that I deny.

But deeper than the scars that mar these arms with memories –

Deeper than my blood and bones, in depths you cannot see,

My heart is like a wizened rose but every thorn I feel –

And I am terrified that only this, my cage, is real.

The Trick Is In The Knack

The trick is in the knack –

To don that more socially acceptable hat.

Pantomimed platitudes, and skin deep conversation –

But not a single moment spared for true communication.

 

I cannot be the only one to wonder what went wrong –

But fortified with false bravado, we just play along.

We do not want to understand nor do we want to see,

Instead we chose to dine on lies, to feed our self esteem.

 

And so the flies rise from the carcass of our empathies,

We dance upon the puppet strings, whilst claiming we are free.

Blinded in our heart of hearts, and deafened to the cries,

We cannot entertain the fact, we ARE what we despise.

 

Whom amongst the walking corpses holds the remedy?

To stage an en-mass-resurrection of humanity.

Does it start with hope, or does it start with honesty?

Can it be that the solution starts with you – and me…

 

So if we chose to make a stand, and lift our voices high –

We can summon back the dead and give to them new life.

It’s a simple choice to make, to stand up all as one,

Imagine if we would unite – just what could we become?

 

I and beast are intertwined

If I should let the beast roam free upon the open roads

Unleashed and unaccountable and hungrily to roam

No thought no hesitations to walk deep into the black

For I am more at home where darkness hides what my light lacks

For I am my own beast inside – there is no turning back…

 

No turning back from that dark half that lurks beneath my face

Emotionless as my lips smile – the mask set firm in place

I no longer care if you believe I have a choice

For in my eyes I have to hide a raging inner voice

For in my eyes I will despise the words I must avoid…

 

The words I must avoid are screaming out to let them go

But not with a release that sets me free from what I know

Blades with edges keen and thirsting for a vein to slice

But it is my own throat exposed and I shall pay the price

But it is my own heart that shows – I am the one who dies…

 

I am the one who dies as I am smothered by the lies

Wearied more than I can bear but these eyes never cry

So I will loose the leash and let the beast inside go free

For I will no more wear the label of an enemy

For I will no more bear this shame for I am free indeed…

 

For I am free indeed to roam the open roads I will

I and beast are intertwined but I am strongest still

I confess I am unsure but I am not afraid

Now the time has come for me to leave the bed I made

Now the time has come for me to soar free of a cage.

 

 

Remember Who You Are

Keep it tight,

Play it cool.

You know that it’s showing,

Don’t be the fool!

You know what they are thinking,

They’ve seen you here before,

They’re whispering about you now,

You know it in your bones.

 

What are they saying about you now?

Behind their tight shut doors.

It drives you quicker to the craze,

You can’t take it no more!

You’re slipping and sliding,

You can’t get a grip,

You know it’s game over,

You know that you have slipped…

 

The beast inside you lights the fire,

So sweetly you succumb,

You know that it is all a lie,

You know that it has won.

And so you lay beneath its shade,

To hide yourself from the sun.

You know that you’re a fool again,

You know you are undone.

 

But comes the day that it shall pass

And you will smile again,

No tears for all that you have done,

No fears to hide in shame.

The promise of a brighter light

Than monsters with a flame,

The time will come for your true self

To shine in your own name!

 

So as you sink and drink it down,

Remember who you are!

You have fought with all you have

Your heart has borne the scars,

You are stronger than you know

And you will rise again,

This is just another fight

That in the end, you win.

 

 

 

What is this mind of mine

My mind can not walk straight

 

It likes to take its time

It refuses to co-operate

 

It thinks that it can fly.

 

My mind will see a flower

 

In a cloud amongst the blue

 

It believes that it is powerful

 

Each dreaming thought be true.

 

My mind is like an overture

 

It breathes a soulful tune

 

But it will not make sense I’m sure

 

It tries to sing the moon.

 

My mind is strong as diamond

 

Yet flawed within its heart

 

I cannot contain the fire’s burn

 

I cannot take off this mask.

 

My mind is a place where my sanity goes

 

Further up deeper into the maze

 

If only I could comprehend where it blows

 

If only I could pierce the haze.

 

And so my mind wanders beyond what is yonder

With no thought to my fragile state

I cannot escape from this unstable landscape

I fear I am damned to this fate.

 

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The Lady and Her Lord

When the wind calls deeply, sweetly, my love,

I shall hearken with gladness and sigh

No more shall I shiver alone in long winter,

No more shall I wither inside.

 

For my dear love now hastens his footsteps to home,

His hearth I have kept swept prepared

Throughout journey unnumbered my heat has not slumbered,

Such sweet torture no more can I bear.

 

I have dreamed of his lips as they kiss my soft flesh,

I confess I am wearied and weak

To but feast on his eyes as they gaze into mine

Oh my lord, hurry home to your keep!

 

And so wind whispers softly I come for you surely,

Fair lady for whom my heart quickens,

Far too long spent away yet my love does not fade

Only you make my blood rise and thicken.

 

When the wind calls deeply, sweetly, my love

As my head rests on earth far from home,

I do dream of your kisses, to embrace you and whisper

That this is the last time I roam.

 

We shall dance and shall sing as we step as those dreaming

Neath daylight that gleams bright and true,

Our souls intertwined for now and all time

My heart beating, only breathing, for you